Category: Social Media Safety

Posted on

The Role of Defusion in Social Media Safety

Photo Credit: letstalk.mentalhealth

I have mentioned that I use principles of Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT) when teaching social media safety skills. There are six core principles of ACT- present moment, values, committed action, defusion, self as context and acceptance. This blog post is going to focus on defusion.

  • What is fusion?
    • Fusion is when you believe/get caught up or give your full attention to a thought/emotion or judgment you have about yourself is true. For instance, if you are fusing with your thoughts, you believe them to be true. Fusion can occur with our thoughts/feelings or other’s judgements of us.
  • Why is fusion bad?
    • Believing unhelpful thoughts often causes us to act in ways that are not always in our best interest long term. For instance, if we have the thought, “Nobody likes me”, we might engage in actions like isolating. Believing other’s judgements of us can also cause us to act in ways that are not in our best interest long term. For instance, if someone calls you “ugly” and you choose to believe that judgment, you might retaliate and say mean things back, you might internalize that judgement and stop going out or engaging in activities with other people. One way to break this cycle of reacting to our thoughts/feelings/judgements is to engage in defusion.
  • What is defusion
    • Defusion is when you give less attention/meaning to your thoughts/feelings/other’s judgements of you. When you are defusing you are putting distance between yourself and them. If you are defusing, you are noticing thoughts/feelings/other’s judgements for what they are- just words/phrases/stimulation that doesn’t have to control your actions.
  • Why is defusion good:
    • When you are able to engage in defusion techniques you are less likely to engage in behaviors that are not in your long term best interest. For instance, if you have the thought “No one likes me” and you are able to recognize that this thought is not true, you are more likely to do things that bring meaning into your life. Additionally, if someone calls you “ugly” and you decide to use defusion techniques, you are more likely to see that one person’s judgment of you does not make it true. This makes it easier to engage in actions that give your life meaning.
  • Fusion can increase unsafe behaviors on social media
    • Let’s look at this from a social media safety perspective. If I go onto social media and I have already fused with this idea that “no one likes me” I might be more likely to engage in unsafe behaviors as a way to deal with that thought and the feelings it brings up. For instance, I might give out my personal information in attempt to make a connection, I might ignore “red flags” because I want to have a connection with another person. Another example, if I fuse with a negative comment that someone made on my social media profile I might be more likely to believe what that person says. When I fuse with that judgement, it impacts how I act. If I am fused with the negative comment that someone made about my appearance I might say mean things back or find ways to retaliate. I might spend more time filtering pictures or obsessively looking at other people’s pictures on social media.
  • Defusion can increase safe behaviors on social media
    • If I can defuse with the thought “no one likes me”, I can see it as just some stimuli that my brain is sending out; not factual information. If I can realize this, I may be less likely to reach out for connection in unsafe ways because I can notice that my thought is not a true one. Defusion can decrease the motivation to engage in unsafe behaviors. With regards to the example about fusing with someone’ judgement of us- if I can defuse with the negative judgement and see it for what it is- random letters that form a random word that I don’t have to give meaning to or believe- I can choose to not spend so much time believing how others view me.

References:

  • The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT By Russ Harris
  •  ACT Made Simple by Russ Harris and Steven Hayes

If your are looking for lesson plans on teaching social media safety to neurodivergent individuals, check out my TPT store or contact me directly. 🙂

Posted on

Being Trauma Informed when Teaching Online Safety Skills

For almost a year now, I have been teaching Social Media Safety classes to Neurodivergent individuals. I have learned some things on the way that I want to share in these next couple posts. The first, and perhaps most important thing, is that it is so important to be trauma informed when you are teaching social media safety. Obviously, the reason we teach any safety skill is because we don’t want to kids/teens/adults to be in unsafe situations. I found that many people who came to my classes had already been in some pretty unsafe situations and I was teaching skills to make sure it didn’t happen again. What this means is that some individuals in the classes already had a history of trauma and it is important to tread carefully while still teaching the content.

In my groups I start by teaching WHY we are even learning these skills. I do this by showing news clips of actual situations that have happened. Many of these clips, while not super explicit, mentioned topics that can be very triggering- suicide, self harm, bullying, emotional abuse, sexual exploitation. For any individual (even those that don’t have a specific history with these traumas), mentioning these topics can bring up a lot of uncomfortable feelings. This is especially true for neurodivergent individuals. Neurodivergent individuals already tend to feel things deeply. Many of them are highly empathic, so these uncomfortable feelings that we are bringing up when we discuss trauma that can happen online, can feel very BIG.

In order to help my clients learn these skills in a safe way, I have done the following (and will address each one in future blog posts).

  1. We practice emotional regulation skills before we start each session.
  2. I have educated myself and educate my clients on polyvagal theory (learning is dependent on our physiological state and there are specific things you can do to help activate your parasympathetic nervous system so you can be ready to learn).
  3. I use trigger warnings to increase agency in how my clients interact with sensitive material.
  4. I don’t shame behaviors. There are reasons why my client’s might engage in unsafe behaviors, even after they have learned the right ones. Let’s validate those reasons, find safer options avoid shame in that process.

If you are looking for materials you can use to teach these skills, check out my store. This lesson might be a good place to start:

https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/Social-Media-Safety-Why-Do-People-Lie-Online-11217969

Posted on

Social Belonging and Social Media

How the need for social belonging can cause teens to engage in unsafe behaviors.

I have been leading some groups that teach social media safety skills to neurodivergent teens. (If you are interested in these groups go to the “Online Groups” page). At the beginning of groups individuals did not know what types of red flags to look for that would indicate someone was a predator. For instance, they were unaware that someone asking to talk with you on a more private social media platform was suspect or that someone giving you a gift online could indicate someone had malicious motives. Additionally, many neurodivergent participants were not aware that people lie online and they weren’t sure why someone would lie online. However, at the end of the groups individuals were able to identify red flags to look out for and were able to identify why people might lie online. Both of these skills will increase their ability to stay safe as they navigate social media.

Because of this I’ve been doing a lot of research in this area. I recently read a fantastic book by Emily Weinstein and Carrie James called, “Behind Their Screens: What Teens are Facing (And Adults Are Missing)” that goes over the research behind social media safety. The thing that I love about the book is that it looks at the research from the lense of a teenager. Teens were interviewed for this book and so the information is very pertinent to them. Adults (and I include myself in this) think that teens don’t know the dangers of social media, when in actuality many of them do. The thing is, teens are more susceptible to “peer validation and to the pain of feeling rejected or excluded” (E. Weinstein and C. James, p. 24). This means that they are more likely to do things that (even dangerous things) to get peer validation and belonging. What this means is that when we are looking at teaching social media safety skills we can’t just tell teens all the dangers that will happen. We need to address potential social isolation. This is especially important for neurodivergent individuals who already have a hard time finding belonging.

So, how do we do this?

  1. Virtual spaces aren’t always bad and we can find ones that are safe. I like the ones below.
  2. Look for places that correlate with your teens niche. If they are into Dungeons and Dragons, can you find a local group that does similar things? Are there specific groups at school/community that are neurodivergent affirming.
  3. Sometimes teens will find more connection in groups that are made of mostly of people who are neurodivergent. This doesn’t mean they can’t have neurotypical friends, but the research says that neurotypical people are not often as understanding/accepting of neurodivergent individuals.
  4. Model self-compassion. It is natural for us to think that we are not good enough. And this can happen even more if you are relying on the opinions of others to validate your self-worth. There are a lot of wonderful self-compassion exercises, but one of my favorites is the idea of “common humanity”. Often, when we feel lonely we caught up in how we are the only ones that feel that way. But loneliness is something that everyone feels. There are people right now who feel lonely, just like you. Knowing that you aren’t the only one working through these difficult feelings can make them easier to feel.