During the last training I gave on “Sex Ed: More Than Just Body Parts” we talked about teaching consent. Katherine McLaughlin (owner of Elevatus Training-an organization that teaches individuals with disabilities to become sexual self-advocates) said, ““The bottom line is, in order to consent, you have to know and believe that you are in charge of your life, and know what you want and what you don’t want. If you don’t believe that, you really aren’t able to consent. Just knowing what consent means really isn’t enough. You have to KNOW you are in charge and take control of your life. ” Thus, a big part of teaching consent is knowing that you are in control and being able to advocate for that.
When I think about consent, I have a tendency to think that consent is just saying “no” to things that you don’t want. But, it is also being able to say “yes” to what you do want. Here are some things that go into that:
- Does the individual know what they like and don’t like? (Have they been given enough choices and experiences to have an opinion)
- Does the individual have the vocabulary needed to state what they like/don’t like or want/don’t want?
- Does the individual know how to be persistent in their communication efforts? If someone continues to do something they don’t want, will they persist in saying “no” or “stop”?
- Does the individual know about consequences for behaviors? If they aren’t able to attach a consequence to an action, giving or not giving consent will be hard. For instance, if I ask you “Do you want some sushi?”, do you know what potential consequences are for eating that sushi (tasting raw fish, tasting seaweed, chewing certain textures).
- Is the individual able to remember past experiences and use this to make an informed choice? For instance, maybe the last time you ate sushi you threw up. If I offer you sushi again, are you able to remember that experience and take that into consideration?
- Is the individual able to identify both short term and long term consequences for engaging in certain behaviors? For instance, I may love sushi and so I know that the short term consequence is me enjoying a food. However, sushi may make me sick. So, despite the fact that I enjoy it, I will feel ill later on.
- Does the individual know what their personal values are?
- Are they able to use their personal values to make choices that align with those values?
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