Executive Functioning Skills Impact Social Skills

I recently conducted a training about how to teach online safety skills to individuals with disabilities. Before I went there I looked into the pros and cons of online relationships. It is pretty easy to identify the risks (i.e. potential exploitation, bullying, etc). But as I did some research I thought it was interesting what the benefits are.

Many people (with and without disabilities) have executive functioning deficits. This means that they might lose things, not show up on time, fail to plan, lose things, lack emotional control, etc. I used to think that executive functioning skills were specific to school/work. But I realized that they are also paramount when it comes to social skills. See the table below for a breakdown of the executive functioning skills and how they related to social skills.

So, having online friends can actually help mitigate these executive functioning deficits. See below for how:

Some qualitative studies were done to see how neurodivergent individuals experienced online interactions. One participant said, ““With photos and names listed, I can keep track of my friends even when I have trouble with names and faces. All the background information of my friends are available for me to reference. Friends provide updates with which I can use as a context to re-establish contact with them where necessary.” Interesting….

Why Should Neurodivergent Folx get Sex Ed?

Sexual Ableism- have you heard this term before? It was a new one for me. I know what “ableism” is. FYI- ableism is “discrimination and prejudice against disabled people based on the belief that typical abilities are superior”.

I think that when we aren’t directly impacted by things, it is easy to dismiss them and not see them as a concern. For neurotypical people (of which I am one), it is easy to live in a world of privilege and not think about those who are impacted by ableism. Jo Moss, the author of a blog about disability and ableism, further says, “I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of living in a society that devalues my worth and sees me as an inconvenience and a burden – subhuman even”. Take a moment to think about how it would be to live in a world where you are seen as a “burden” or an “inconvenience”.

Now, sexual ableism is “a system of beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in dating, intimacy, and relationships, suggesting the very presence of a disability implies inferiority.” We demonstrate sexual ableism when we:

  1. Assume that people with disabilities are “asexual” or don’t have sexual desires.
  2. Insist that people with disabilities need to supervised and monitored in their relationships
  3. Seeing people with disabilities as perpetual victims or perpetually vulnerable.

Here is where things can get a little complicated. There is evidence that people with disabilities are more likely to be assaulted and experience sexual abuse than those without disabilities. (It can be hard to get an accurate count, because there are instances of sexual abuse that go unreported, especially if the person who was assaulted has language deficits. However, Disability Justice says that 83% of women with disabilities will be assaulted; 3% of abuse involving people with disabilities is even reported.) So, perhaps it makes sense that we feel the need to constantly monitor and supervise them in relationships. Is constant monitoring and supervision our way of protecting people we care about? I would argue that keeping people with disabilities sheltered and not actively teaching them skills that will keep them safe is keeping them in a life of victimhood. When we do not teach comprehensive sex education to people with disabilities, we are keeping them in a state of victimhood.

David Hingsberger, a renowned disability activist and author, said, “Typical children [who receive sex education] have a number of concepts that will keep them safer. They understand modesty and privacy. They understand relationships and appropriate touch within those relationships. But they have something more, they have language. Protection from sex education leave a person effectively mute when it comes to speaking about their body” (p. 19 Just Say Know: Understanding and Reducing the Risk of Sexual Victimization of People with Developmental Disabilities). At the very least, sex education teaches neurotypical and neurodivergent alike how to report unsafe situations, confusion about what is happening, pain or abuse.

Read the next blog post to see how sex education does more than simply prevent abuse for people with disabilities.

Able-Bodied Tears

I have grown up with this idea that I need to be in the forefront. That my value is determined by my ability to be seen and noticed. Not only is this damaging for my mental health, but I also think it is against my new views and beliefs on disability justice.

            I work with neurodivergent individuals. I remember a time when I would talk about how “special” they were to me. I would cry and all of a sudden, the narrative shifted from one about disability to one about me. It seemed almost equivalent to white tears…maybe they were “abled tears” (Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha in “Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice”). (For those not familiar with the term white tears, this is when white people start to cry when they are presented with information about racial injustice. While showing emotion isn’t bad, white people publicly crying about injustices done to BIPOC individuals shifts the attention to them and comforting them.) When I talked about the injustices done to my clients I would cry and the discussion was no longer about them and how to change systems/organizations- it was about me. It was about people comforting me and telling me how great I was and how patient I was. In addition to stopping the conversation, this also perpetuated the idea that I was this neurotypical savior, and I was sacrificing so much to help the poor disabled people.

            In an effort to change this mentally I have done a lot of reading in the area of disability justice and advocacy. I learned that if I want to be a disability advocate, that is not something that I get to decide. I don’t get to wear a disability justice shirt, throw some money at an organization and say “Look at me! I am a disability advocate”. No- the disabled people decide if I am an advocate. And if I am making the conversation about me and using them to make myself look better, then I am not being an advocate.

            One of the best ways for me to advocate for those with disabilities is to help lift their voices so that others can hear about their experiences. Specifically, this means that if I talk about what I learned from them I give them credit. I give them credit for talking about their lived experiences. I publicize what they have to say so that more people can be educated about the lived experiences of neurodivergent individuals.

            In order to be an advocate, I need to step back and get rid of this idea that my effectiveness and my worth is someone synonymous with how many people see me. Thus, I am going to start bringing attention to individuals with disabilities by quoting them, promoting their works and helping to increase their visibility.