How online interactions can be easier for people with Executive Functioning Deficits
In a previous blog post I talked about how executive functioning skills are extremely important when interacting with others. Interacting online with people is one way to help mitigate some of these deficits.
The Scandinavian Journal of Disability Research published an interesting paper (“Exploring The Potential for Social Networking Among People with Autism: Challenging Dominant Ideas of ‘Friendship'” by C. Brownlow; H. Rosqvist and L. O’Dell) that addressed how online interactions are viewed by people with disabilities. The purpose of their study was to “deconstruct dominate understandings of (autistic) friendship”. They did this by reviewing previous literature on the subject and interviewing neurodivergent individuals. Many of the people interviewed for the paper provided very specific examples of how executive functioning skills posed a problem during in person interactions, but were lessened during online interactions. For instance:
Autistic individuals said that online interactions gave them the chance to look back at previous conversations, so they knew where to begin.
This not only helped them know where the conversation left off and how to pick it up again, but it also allowed them to look back at information about the person they were talking to.
Online interactions can help with deficits in working memory.
Autistic individuals also said that they were able to plan their responses better when they were interacting online there wasn’t the quick back and forth that is present in “in-person” interactions.
It is also easier to focus on online conversations because you just have to focus on the words.
Some people might say that you miss out on body language/facial expression/voice tone, which help in understanding another person. However, all those things can also get in the way because neurodivergent individuals spend so much of their time and energy focused on trying to interpret all that information.
In person interactions can feel like an overload, while online interactions don’t.
Last week I brought up one reason some neurodiverse individuals may not ask for help- they aren’t aware that they need help. Another reason why they may not ask for help is because of a fear of rejection. In my work with neurodiverse clients I usually start by asking them what they think about asking for help. I either have them fill in the blank or use a likert scale:
Many of my clients have said that they don’t ask for help because they don’t want to look stupid. In their mind, asking for help is admitting failure. Many neurodiverse individuals have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. Rejection Sensitivity Disorder “is extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their life. It may also be triggered by a sense of falling short—failing to meet their own high standards or others’ expectations.” So, when we are asking a neurodivergent individual with Rejection Sensitivity Disorder to ask for help, we are asking them to independently admit failure (sometimes publicly), while independently regulating intense emotions. Even if you don’t think this is hard, remember that neurodiverse individuals have different abilities and just because something is easy for you doesn’t mean it will be easy for them.
So, what do we do? First and most important, stop using shame to change behavior. Shame is a fear of feeling unworthy or not good enough. Individuals with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria already have a heightened anxiety around being rejected or not good enough. So, when we use shame to “teach” we are actually making things worse. Feeling shame can increase avoidant behaviors; essentially, you stop trying. Instead, we can:
Using “Just Dance” to increase Executive Functioning Awareness
In the previous post I talked about helping increase executive functioning awareness by using a technique called “Therapeutic Failure”. Essentially, this is where you letting a child fail in a safe environment. I know it sounds negative to just let someone fail, so I wanted to share an activity I did with my social group involving this.
In our group we played “Just Dance”. Some people were familiar with the game and some people weren’t. While we were dancing there was a visual that showed you what the dance moves were supposed to look like. Because we were just doing the game over youtube I had to pause it everyone once in a while and ask them if their bodies looked like the ones in the video. Then we talked about if their performance was equal to the person in the video (meaning they did all of the moves correctly), if their performance wasn’t as good yet (YET being the key word!) or if their performance was above average.
I had a variety of responses:
Some individuals had average performance and noticed that they had average performance
Some individuals had less than average performance and were able to acknowledge that it was less than average (although their demeanor indicated they felt ashamed)(The individual may be between the first two levels of awareness, but shame and fear of rejection are getting in the way of them asking for help).
Some individuals had less than average performance and were not able to acknowledge it (The individual is still at the first level of executive functioning awareness and does not yet know that they actually need help).
Some individuals had a below average performance, were able to recognize it and were able to identify strategies that help their performance (This is Anticipatory Awareness. This is when we can expect an individual to independently request help).
You can’t ask for help if you don’t know you need help
One common concern I hear from parents of neurodiverse individuals is that their child won’t ask for help. There are a couple reasons why neurodiverse individuals may not ask for help. The first one is that the individual may not even know that they need help. They may not be aware of their deficits/differences. The picture on the right describes the three levels of executive functioning awareness. Before neurodiverse individuals can be expected to ask for help, they need to have an “anticipatory awareness” of their deficits.
If your child isn’t at this step yet, you can use “Therapeutic Failure” to help them get there.
Let them fail in a safe environment. Oftentimes, parents/teachers/staff help too quickly. When we are too quick to provide assistance, the individual will never know that they actually need help because they have never experienced that failure.
Give your child a task that you are fairly certain they cannot do on independently/correctly. As they are doing the task, do not help them (unless they are in danger of hurting themselves)
Wait for them to notice that they have done something wrong or don’t know how to do something.
Use “failure” as a time to teach and not a time to shame. Many neurodiverse individuals see asking for help or not doing something correctly as proof that they are failure. We can talk them through “failures” by praising their effort, grit and flexibility.
References: “Development of Executive functions” Second Edition by Jill K. Fahy and Gail J. Richard
In my last post I talked about finding out your child’s organizational style. The reason we start with this is because the best way to help your child succeed is by creating an environment in which they can be successful. It’s like if we ask someone in a wheelchair to go to the 2nd floor of a building that only has stairs. We wouldn’t expect them to do that without environmental accommodations. It is the same thing with executive functioning skills.
So, if you found your child’s organizational style, here are some ways you can help arrange the environment they will be working in.
Supports for Individuals with a “Visual Organizational Style”
“Your child is sensitive to what she sees. If there are a lot of visual stimuli at her work area, she will be easily distracted.”(Kutscher and Moran)
Motto: Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind
A backpack that has less pockets. The more pockets there are, the easier it is to lose things
A planner that is bright so that it is easy to find
Separate binders for each subject (this makes it easier to find items that are related to a specific subject. Lots of papers in one binder cause visual overload)
They may not like an accordion folder, because it has lots of pockets and can be overwhelming
They prefer single subject notebooks (a three subject one can be overwhelming)
They prefer specific subjects to have specific colors (blue=math)
They need to have all essential items within viewing range (essential items= pens, pencils, notebooks, paper, tape, stapler, calculator)
If an item is tucked in a drawer, the child will forget about it
Use file boxes with removable tops instead of drawers
Avoid deep containers where things can get lost in the bottom
Working on a bed may be too distracting
A locker at the end of the hall may work better because there are fewer distractions
Need to see items directly or they will have a difficult time finding them
Remind your child to keep things up close to the front of the locker, once it goes to the back it will be impossible to find
Consider using locker shelves
They like to see upcoming activities in the month (calendar)
Have a separate folder for each subject. Make sure that each subject has a different color. This is essential for individuals who are very visual.
Supports for Individuals with a “Spatial/Cozy Organization Style”
They need a backpack that feels good and is comfortable
They need a planner that displays the week across a two page spread
They prefer a single binder which keeps all the school work in one place
They may prefer a three subject notebook because of the convenience of having a few subjects together within reach
They have to feel good when they sit at their desk
They need to have everything within reach
They need to be able to move freely/ they learn best while moving
May like an open file cabinet on wheels, so they can move it to their location
Do not use deep containers, they need easy access to items
Feeling comfortable is essential for these learners
May prefer to study on a bed; however, studying in an unkempt bed may result in wasting time looking for things
May want a locker at the end of the hall for more elbow room
All items in locker should be within reach
They will difficulty finding an item that is not within reach
Calendar= like spaces provided to write their activities for each date
For individuals with a “Cozy” organization style, they need to have everything they will need within reach. ( Photo credit: kaboompics on pixabay.com)
Supports for Individuals with a “Chronological/Sequential Organizational Style”
A backpack that has compartments that will provide order
Prefer placing subjects in a sequential list in a single binder
Prefer accordion folders
May prefer a spiral notebook because it can go into a binder
Containers that are stackable work sell since they can access the material in the order they prefer
Lots of desktop space
May want a locker close to their classes
They need to make their own order. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it will make sense to them
May prefer electronic planners/ways to keep track of assignments
These are number people. They want to know how many days till something is going to happen
Prefer tech calendars
“Chronological and Sequential” organizers may prefer electronic planner instead of typical paper planners. Photo credit: firmbee from pixabay.com
The biggest thing to remember is that our organizational style may not work for you kid; a system taught by a well intentioned teacher may not work for your kid; the most expensive and evidence-based system may not work for your kid because your kid has unique learning needs. And that is great!
