Tag: neurodivergent

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The Role of Defusion in Social Media Safety

Photo Credit: letstalk.mentalhealth

I have mentioned that I use principles of Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT) when teaching social media safety skills. There are six core principles of ACT- present moment, values, committed action, defusion, self as context and acceptance. This blog post is going to focus on defusion.

  • What is fusion?
    • Fusion is when you believe/get caught up or give your full attention to a thought/emotion or judgment you have about yourself is true. For instance, if you are fusing with your thoughts, you believe them to be true. Fusion can occur with our thoughts/feelings or other’s judgements of us.
  • Why is fusion bad?
    • Believing unhelpful thoughts often causes us to act in ways that are not always in our best interest long term. For instance, if we have the thought, “Nobody likes me”, we might engage in actions like isolating. Believing other’s judgements of us can also cause us to act in ways that are not in our best interest long term. For instance, if someone calls you “ugly” and you choose to believe that judgment, you might retaliate and say mean things back, you might internalize that judgement and stop going out or engaging in activities with other people. One way to break this cycle of reacting to our thoughts/feelings/judgements is to engage in defusion.
  • What is defusion
    • Defusion is when you give less attention/meaning to your thoughts/feelings/other’s judgements of you. When you are defusing you are putting distance between yourself and them. If you are defusing, you are noticing thoughts/feelings/other’s judgements for what they are- just words/phrases/stimulation that doesn’t have to control your actions.
  • Why is defusion good:
    • When you are able to engage in defusion techniques you are less likely to engage in behaviors that are not in your long term best interest. For instance, if you have the thought “No one likes me” and you are able to recognize that this thought is not true, you are more likely to do things that bring meaning into your life. Additionally, if someone calls you “ugly” and you decide to use defusion techniques, you are more likely to see that one person’s judgment of you does not make it true. This makes it easier to engage in actions that give your life meaning.
  • Fusion can increase unsafe behaviors on social media
    • Let’s look at this from a social media safety perspective. If I go onto social media and I have already fused with this idea that “no one likes me” I might be more likely to engage in unsafe behaviors as a way to deal with that thought and the feelings it brings up. For instance, I might give out my personal information in attempt to make a connection, I might ignore “red flags” because I want to have a connection with another person. Another example, if I fuse with a negative comment that someone made on my social media profile I might be more likely to believe what that person says. When I fuse with that judgement, it impacts how I act. If I am fused with the negative comment that someone made about my appearance I might say mean things back or find ways to retaliate. I might spend more time filtering pictures or obsessively looking at other people’s pictures on social media.
  • Defusion can increase safe behaviors on social media
    • If I can defuse with the thought “no one likes me”, I can see it as just some stimuli that my brain is sending out; not factual information. If I can realize this, I may be less likely to reach out for connection in unsafe ways because I can notice that my thought is not a true one. Defusion can decrease the motivation to engage in unsafe behaviors. With regards to the example about fusing with someone’ judgement of us- if I can defuse with the negative judgement and see it for what it is- random letters that form a random word that I don’t have to give meaning to or believe- I can choose to not spend so much time believing how others view me.

References:

  • The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT By Russ Harris
  •  ACT Made Simple by Russ Harris and Steven Hayes

If your are looking for lesson plans on teaching social media safety to neurodivergent individuals, check out my TPT store or contact me directly. 🙂

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Social Belonging and Social Media

How the need for social belonging can cause teens to engage in unsafe behaviors.

I have been leading some groups that teach social media safety skills to neurodivergent teens. (If you are interested in these groups go to the “Online Groups” page). At the beginning of groups individuals did not know what types of red flags to look for that would indicate someone was a predator. For instance, they were unaware that someone asking to talk with you on a more private social media platform was suspect or that someone giving you a gift online could indicate someone had malicious motives. Additionally, many neurodivergent participants were not aware that people lie online and they weren’t sure why someone would lie online. However, at the end of the groups individuals were able to identify red flags to look out for and were able to identify why people might lie online. Both of these skills will increase their ability to stay safe as they navigate social media.

Because of this I’ve been doing a lot of research in this area. I recently read a fantastic book by Emily Weinstein and Carrie James called, “Behind Their Screens: What Teens are Facing (And Adults Are Missing)” that goes over the research behind social media safety. The thing that I love about the book is that it looks at the research from the lense of a teenager. Teens were interviewed for this book and so the information is very pertinent to them. Adults (and I include myself in this) think that teens don’t know the dangers of social media, when in actuality many of them do. The thing is, teens are more susceptible to “peer validation and to the pain of feeling rejected or excluded” (E. Weinstein and C. James, p. 24). This means that they are more likely to do things that (even dangerous things) to get peer validation and belonging. What this means is that when we are looking at teaching social media safety skills we can’t just tell teens all the dangers that will happen. We need to address potential social isolation. This is especially important for neurodivergent individuals who already have a hard time finding belonging.

So, how do we do this?

  1. Virtual spaces aren’t always bad and we can find ones that are safe. I like the ones below.
  2. Look for places that correlate with your teens niche. If they are into Dungeons and Dragons, can you find a local group that does similar things? Are there specific groups at school/community that are neurodivergent affirming.
  3. Sometimes teens will find more connection in groups that are made of mostly of people who are neurodivergent. This doesn’t mean they can’t have neurotypical friends, but the research says that neurotypical people are not often as understanding/accepting of neurodivergent individuals.
  4. Model self-compassion. It is natural for us to think that we are not good enough. And this can happen even more if you are relying on the opinions of others to validate your self-worth. There are a lot of wonderful self-compassion exercises, but one of my favorites is the idea of “common humanity”. Often, when we feel lonely we caught up in how we are the only ones that feel that way. But loneliness is something that everyone feels. There are people right now who feel lonely, just like you. Knowing that you aren’t the only one working through these difficult feelings can make them easier to feel.
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Social Media can help Neurodivergent People Make Friends

How online interactions can be easier for people with Executive Functioning Deficits

In a previous blog post I talked about how executive functioning skills are extremely important when interacting with others. Interacting online with people is one way to help mitigate some of these deficits.

The Scandinavian Journal of Disability Research published an interesting paper (“Exploring The Potential for Social Networking Among People with Autism: Challenging Dominant Ideas of ‘Friendship'” by C. Brownlow; H. Rosqvist and L. O’Dell) that addressed how online interactions are viewed by people with disabilities. The purpose of their study was to “deconstruct dominate understandings of (autistic) friendship”. They did this by reviewing previous literature on the subject and interviewing neurodivergent individuals. Many of the people interviewed for the paper provided very specific examples of how executive functioning skills posed a problem during in person interactions, but were lessened during online interactions. For instance:

  • Autistic individuals said that online interactions gave them the chance to look back at previous conversations, so they knew where to begin.
    • This not only helped them know where the conversation left off and how to pick it up again, but it also allowed them to look back at information about the person they were talking to.
    • Online interactions can help with deficits in working memory.
  • Autistic individuals also said that they were able to plan their responses better when they were interacting online there wasn’t the quick back and forth that is present in “in-person” interactions.
  • It is also easier to focus on online conversations because you just have to focus on the words.
    • Some people might say that you miss out on body language/facial expression/voice tone, which help in understanding another person. However, all those things can also get in the way because neurodivergent individuals spend so much of their time and energy focused on trying to interpret all that information.
    • In person interactions can feel like an overload, while online interactions don’t.

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Executive Functioning Skills Impact Social Skills

I recently conducted a training about how to teach online safety skills to individuals with disabilities. Before I went there I looked into the pros and cons of online relationships. It is pretty easy to identify the risks (i.e. potential exploitation, bullying, etc). But as I did some research I thought it was interesting what the benefits are.

Many people (with and without disabilities) have executive functioning deficits. This means that they might lose things, not show up on time, fail to plan, lose things, lack emotional control, etc. I used to think that executive functioning skills were specific to school/work. But I realized that they are also paramount when it comes to social skills. See the table below for a breakdown of the executive functioning skills and how they related to social skills.

So, having online friends can actually help mitigate these executive functioning deficits. See below for how:

Some qualitative studies were done to see how neurodivergent individuals experienced online interactions. One participant said, ““With photos and names listed, I can keep track of my friends even when I have trouble with names and faces. All the background information of my friends are available for me to reference. Friends provide updates with which I can use as a context to re-establish contact with them where necessary.” Interesting….

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Why Should Neurodivergent Folx get Sex Ed?

Sexual Ableism- have you heard this term before? It was a new one for me. I know what “ableism” is. FYI- ableism is “discrimination and prejudice against disabled people based on the belief that typical abilities are superior”.

I think that when we aren’t directly impacted by things, it is easy to dismiss them and not see them as a concern. For neurotypical people (of which I am one), it is easy to live in a world of privilege and not think about those who are impacted by ableism. Jo Moss, the author of a blog about disability and ableism, further says, “I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough of living in a society that devalues my worth and sees me as an inconvenience and a burden – subhuman even”. Take a moment to think about how it would be to live in a world where you are seen as a “burden” or an “inconvenience”.

Now, sexual ableism is “a system of beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in dating, intimacy, and relationships, suggesting the very presence of a disability implies inferiority.” We demonstrate sexual ableism when we:

  1. Assume that people with disabilities are “asexual” or don’t have sexual desires.
  2. Insist that people with disabilities need to supervised and monitored in their relationships
  3. Seeing people with disabilities as perpetual victims or perpetually vulnerable.

Here is where things can get a little complicated. There is evidence that people with disabilities are more likely to be assaulted and experience sexual abuse than those without disabilities. (It can be hard to get an accurate count, because there are instances of sexual abuse that go unreported, especially if the person who was assaulted has language deficits. However, Disability Justice says that 83% of women with disabilities will be assaulted; 3% of abuse involving people with disabilities is even reported.) So, perhaps it makes sense that we feel the need to constantly monitor and supervise them in relationships. Is constant monitoring and supervision our way of protecting people we care about? I would argue that keeping people with disabilities sheltered and not actively teaching them skills that will keep them safe is keeping them in a life of victimhood. When we do not teach comprehensive sex education to people with disabilities, we are keeping them in a state of victimhood.

David Hingsberger, a renowned disability activist and author, said, “Typical children [who receive sex education] have a number of concepts that will keep them safer. They understand modesty and privacy. They understand relationships and appropriate touch within those relationships. But they have something more, they have language. Protection from sex education leave a person effectively mute when it comes to speaking about their body” (p. 19 Just Say Know: Understanding and Reducing the Risk of Sexual Victimization of People with Developmental Disabilities). At the very least, sex education teaches neurotypical and neurodivergent alike how to report unsafe situations, confusion about what is happening, pain or abuse.

Read the next blog post to see how sex education does more than simply prevent abuse for people with disabilities.

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Emotional Labor

            Have you heard the term “emotional labor”? (This was a new one for me.) Emotional labor is the “mental and emotional work we do to maintain relationships with other people, whether that relationship is an intimate one, or simply coexisting with strangers in a public place” (Ada Hoffman). Emotional labor can include initiating interactions with friends, setting up activities, listening to someone talk and showing concern, being friendly to people at your place of work, etc. For some people this type of emotional labor is effortless, but for some people (especially those who are neurodivergent), this can take a lot of effort.

Image made by Betterlyf Wellness

            What I think us neurotypicals sometimes forget is that autistic folx are doing emotional labor all the time! Below are things that are considered emotional labor and can be extremely difficult and extremely easy for autistic folk. I am getting the following information from Ada Hoffman, an autistic writer. You can find more of her writing here.

  • Trying desperately to figure out people’s facial expressions, when reading faces doesn’t come naturally to you. (This and other items on the list are still emotional labour, even when they are unsuccessful. Building a bridge is still labour, even if the bridge falls down.)
  • Trying to figure out how to respond appropriately to a social situation, when actually you are baffled or just want to go away.
  • Trying REALLY HARD to organize your shit even though you have executive function problems.
  • Enduring sensory discomfort, like lights and noise and other people, so that you can do an important thing that unavoidably involves them (and everything does).
  • Suppressing types of stims that you know will bother people around you or otherwise draw unwanted attention.
  • Trying to figure out the appropriate way to say a potentially hurtful thing instead of just blurting it out.
  • Asking people explicitly how they are feeling or what they need, because you know it’s important and you know you won’t figure it out on your own. Working up your courage and asking even though you know some people are offended by being asked.
  • Asking for accommodations, especially in an environment that you’re not sure will take you seriously.
  • Working up the courage to do social interactions that you know will be exhausting but necessary.
  • Trying to figure out ways to do basic things like make friends or express your emotions safely, when the NT way of doing them makes no sense to you.
  • Dealing with the ableist things people do and say all day.
  • Dealing with anxiety, depression, trauma, OCD, and the MANY OTHER very common comorbid conditions of autism.

I am hoping as we start to realize that seemingly effortless things for neurotypical people take effort for neurodivergent people we will have more compassion and understanding. Below are some ways that I am going to try to show that compassion as a clinician.

  1. Simply teaching my clients to advocate for themselves is putting all of the responsibility for accommodations on them. Job sites, schools and other professionals need to be educated on how to offer accommodations without waiting for them to be necessary. And society as a whole needs to be reframe the idea that “accommodations” make someone less then.
  2. Simply teaching my clients to read body language and interpret facial cues is putting all of the responsibility of smooth social interactions on them. Neurotypical individuals can just as easily learn to be more concise with what they want and explain how they are feeling in clear terms instead of being cryptic. This would take a great load off of neurodivergent folx.
  3. Normalize stimming. Interviews with autistic folx indicates that stimming can be very self-soothing. So, if we try to take that away or tell them to stop we are also taking away a coping mechanism. It seems silly to me that just because neurotypicals find a stim “annoying” the neurodivergent individual is responsible for stopping in order to make the neurotypicals more comfortable. Neurotypicals can learn to be flexible.