I recently attended a virtual training by Dave Hingsburger. This guy is amazing! He has done some incredible work, especially with regards to respecting the rights of individuals with disabilities. During the session, Dave talked about the need to teach relationship skills to individuals with disabilities. In fact, he emphatically said that we (professionals, clinicians, anyone who work with individuals who have disabilities) should be apologizing to people with disabilities for not giving them the opportunities or teaching them the skills needed to have relationships.
Relationship skills are more than skills that should be used after a relationship has gone bad. I used to think that the most important thing you can teach an individual with a disability is to say “no” or report if abuse has happened. And while this skill is definitely necessary, it should be taught in addition to skills that will enhance relationships (communicating your needs, compromising, knowing what you value in a potential partner, reciprocating, being assertive, how to respond to different opinions/values). The end goal is to help individuals with disabilities form relationships. Having relationships (whether they are romantic, not romantic, in person, online) increases quality of life, for everyone. Additionally, being able to have close relationships with others can also deter some of the negative outcomes that are common for individuals with disabilities. So, what can I, as a clinician do?
- Provide opportunities for individuals with disabilities to be social. In the groups I lead I have found that so many of my clients want to do things with other people in the group. I have tried to gradually remove myself from the picture to see how far they can get into the planning stages and follow through. They will bring up an idea, everyone gets super excited and then planning stops. They need prompts to see who is free on what days/times (there are a lot of schedules to coordinate), talk about where it will happen (it should be in a general location so everyone can get there), how they will get there (who has access to a ride and who doesn’t?), etc. That is a lot of executive functioning skills…
- Teach the executive functioning skills needed to follow through with relationships
- Don’t discount online relationships. Many of my clients prefer online relationships because they don’t have to worry about interpreting body language/facial expressions and because they have time to formulate a response. If it is working for them, then who am I to take that away.