I recently started doing some parent trainings on various socio-sexuality topics. My most recent one was about Abuse Prevention by teaching individuals to self advocate. For people who are interested, but couldn’t come, this is what we learned.
Before doing these trainings I research a ton. I wish I could take credit for some of these insightful thoughts, but I can’t. One thing I learned was about how teaching “good touch” and “bad touch” is not only ineffective but potentially dangerous. For those who aren’t familiar with this, look at the graphic below for a basic run down.
There are a few reasons why this concept should not be taught:
- When we use words like “bad” to describe actions, we might be inadvertently teaching the individual that they are bad. For instance, if a boy is touched no his penis by another person and he knows that someone touching those areas is “bad”, he might start to identify that HE is bad.
- “Good touch”- “Bad touch” is too black and white. Consider these examples:
- A touch that hurts or feels bad isn’t always “bad”. For instance, getting a shot might not feel comfortable but it isn’t bad in the same way sexually abusive actions are bad, because it is keeping us safe.
- A touch that feels good can be considered abusive. For instance, sometimes when an individual is raped, they experience an orgasm. Myrtle Wilhite, an MD with experience in sexuality education talks about an woman who came to see her who had an orgasm when she was raped. She said, “Orgasms are reflexes, the result of a combination of physical stimulation and arousal. When this guy touched her non-consensually (physical stimulation), her body responded to the high arousal of fear, and she had an orgasm. It does not mean she consented to the experience, enjoyed it, or was asking for it. This type of experience can be quite confusing to abuse survivors, because under certain stressful circumstances, the body can have automatic responses that we cannot control.
- A touch that is considered good can still be unwanted and harmful. For instance, your ear isn’t considered private. But if someone were to lick your ear or suck your ear this action might still be unwanted.
So, it is time to do away with “Good touch” and “Bad touch”. In the next post I will talk about what we can do instead.
References:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/2349301120190112